Guess what I’ve been trying to finalise today? Like the title doesn’t give it away. Yes, yes, yes I know they are important not just for customers but for me but boy oh boy are they boring.

pages and pages of highly interesting legal stuff.

pages and pages of highly interesting legal stuff.

But this is the world of online free information isn’t it, there must be some website out there that can help surely? Some place I can download a template to just copy, tweak and paste onto my own site? Oh yes, in fact there are dozens. And none of them say the same thing! And it’s all still boring.

Besides, it’s not the legal stuff I need to know as I know all that, I know what your rights are and mine as well. I’m pretty well known in some places for correcting those who dare to run businesses without knowing any of this stuff, I may even have been a little bit too forthright on the subject on occasions, I know how things should be done by the book and have every intention of sticking to and expanding on ‘the book’! It’s writing it all out in a way that isn’t full of legal jargon, that makes sense to everyone, that is interesting, even amusing if and where it can be and hopefully not 37 pages long that’s my stumbling block.

Take the privacy policy for instance. Feel free to go look but chances are what you’ll find over the next few days will be an ever changing garbled attempt and at times a totally blank page when I’ve deleted it all in frustration. I’ve just looked to see what I’ve left there this evening and found some gobbledygook about cookies that make me sound like a right loon. Okay so I am a loon but I don’t need to be making that quite so obvious in what should be a serious document. I could actually summarise my entire privacy statement in one sentence –

“I won’t use any information you give me for anything other than to provide your order.”

Not the right kind of cookies it seems

Not the right kind of cookies it seems

But that’s not good enough because of the cookies.  I know what a cookie is, and yes I do mean the computer version although I confess I know a lot more about the food type, but I use a 3rd party system to run this website and I’m not sure exactly what cookies it is using or what each of them does so I need to find that out. And that means I need to find out how to find that out.

And even once I have found it all out just how do you explain cookies in an interesting, slightly amusing, non boring way?

Is it really true that my cookie statement can’t just say “chocolate cookies are yum, double chocolate cookies are better, triple chocolate even better. I have a lovely recipe for cookies  would you like it?”

Apparently it is. And that’s boring!

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